…in our lives into our dreams of what they can or should be…

When goals are fluid, they are constantly changing which allows for growth and acceptance of otherness. When goals are fixed, like dead skin they become crystallized as the “TRUE Destination” and the “RIGHT direction” against which we feel compelled to measure ourselves and feel self-worth or self-loath depending on how much we comply with the rules of that “True destination.”

The Jerusalem, the destination, the heavens, the Ultimate Goal. These are all different names for the same thing. The DREAM that gives meaning to our lives. The “Incentive” that motivates us to move forward as it changes in form and dimension, the closer we get to achieving it.

Once again, we are dealing with the subject of “fluidity” of everything in life including life itself. Have you ever thought about life as a never-ending quest for beauty, or an ever-lasting search for answers to our questions, pursuit of knowledge, wisdom or happiness? If we take that as the premise, then the “ever-changing goals and destinations” in our lives are making it possible for us to go higher and higher in consciousness and awareness. The ever-changing destination keeps us moving forward and does not allow us to give up and most importantly, it eliminates “boredom” as every time the obstacles you are determined to overcome and road blocks you face are different. That’s what makes life exciting! But when people reify a goal, a limiting bubble is created around that goal, thereby closing the doors to otherness and demanding compliance. “Otherness” thus becomes heresy.

Are you imprisoned in one of those restricting bubbles? Do you believe in “One Single Immutable Truth” against which you measure and judge yourself and others? What about THEIR Realities? Isn’t this what the brutal criminals and dictators have done throughout history– believing in one single reality: their own? And with that mentality comes imposition of power, use of force, ruse, lies, imprisonment and even murder. The “fixed” and “crystallized” dreams or goals lead to the construction of “self-righteous” identities who can hurt others.

Have you ever considered that we are committing crimes that in form are similar to those of the brutal dictators, when we try to shape our romantic partner, children or anyone other than us into our dream of what they can or should be? That’s when we become the “dictator,” expecting obedience and compliance from others to “our rigid rules,” oblivious to the fact that our dreams of what they can or should be might be different than what they have in mind for themselves. And please help me understand who on earth gave us the right to believe that our values or dreams are more valuable or better than those of others?

One of the ways I have witnessed to work well in establishing long-lasting and satisfying relationships is when each individual is willing to step out of their own, personal reality to peek respectfully into the other person’s reality, with their permission of course, to understand their points of view. This understanding of each other’s realities establishes a foundation upon which they can co-construct shared realties, allowing space for each partner in the relationship to grow individually and as a member of a couple, into higher flying eagles who can explore life with openness, curiosity, joy, and courage, feeling happy inside.

This thought reminds me of what one of my favorite authors, Henry James, said about art: “We work in the dark – we do what we can – we give what we have. Our doubt is our passion and our passion is our task. The rest is the madness of art.”