If you’re asking yourself whether this new relationship is going where you want it to go, reading through these 7 red flags could help you decide whether to continue to hope on or cut your losses and move on … The truth is that the signs are often there, but we are not always willing to see them! We tend to ignore those signs because either we don’t want to give up the hope that this relationship is going to turn into a happy one, or we feel we’re just too tired to start all over again with somebody new, or that we have the false belief there will be no one any better for us anyway … Well, let’s look at the signs with eyes wide open and make a decision to create a happy future for ourselves! After all, isn’t it our responsibility to make ourselves happy?

For this purpose, consider the following questions about the person you are dating:

  1. Are they genuinely interested in knowing you, your history, cultural, familial and individual values and dreams as much as you want to know them? If they are not, they probably never will be … Either they are not that into you or even if they are, it’s not going to be a collaborative union with mutual respect and understanding!
  2. Are they trying to control you and/or the relationship by playing the dating game, keeping you waiting and guessing before they answer a text or phone call, being inconsistent in the ways they behave toward you like slot machines that respond in unpredictable ways to keep you wanting and hoping for more? If this is the case, then you are in the wrong relationship!
  3. Do they communicate with you with ease, honesty and affinity, or do they evaluate, criticize and invalidate you or expect you to read their mind and do as they desire without communicating their expectations to you? Do they lose their temper or give you the cold shoulder or silent treatment if you do not give them what they want? If they are not communicative now, they probably never will be… So do not waste any more of your time and energy on this relationship!
  4. Are they keeping secrets from you? Are they unwilling to open up to you and share with you some parts of their history, their friendships, hobbies or occupation? Can they be transparent with you about their intentions for their life and for the current relationship with you, or do they make vague comments about their intentions and dreams? Different people need varying amounts of time to feel comfortable opening up.   However, if they are not willing to share such information after a few weeks, then either they are not interested in a long term relationship with you or this is the way they are going to be — which rarely leads to a happy relationship!
  5. Are they willing to introduce you to their friends and loved ones, or are they being secretive about their friends and other important people in their lives? If so, you are probably not going to be in that person’s life for very long!
  6. Can you be completely yourself while you are with them, or do you feel you need to hide parts of you or change yourself to become desirable in their eyes. In a good relationship, each partner helps the other develop their personal voice with care and support. If this is not happening in your relationship, you will definitely be better off getting yourself out of this big trap!
  7. Are you attracted to and admire the person they already are, or do you hope they will someday actualize their potential and become the man/woman you want them to be? If you can see them for the person they are and accept that they are living the life they want to live, then you are in a relationship that is very likely to flourish and bring happiness to both of you. If not, then it’s time for you to move on and create space for new opportunities to knock on your door …