Talk about current upsets or problems.

Time will resolve NOTHING.  Only finding and addressing the root causes of the problems will help your relationship flourish and grow stronger.

DO NOT point a finger at your partner and do not itemize what you have done right and she/he has done wrong… remain calm, affectionate and reasonable and ask your partner to help you find the source of the problem to both resolve it and make a plan of action to prevent it from happening again.

Do NOT use harsh words when talking to each other. Words often hurt more than any sharp knife or sword.  People may feel so injured that they give up on you and the relationship.  When speaking, remind yourself that your objective is to bring you and your partner closer together not push you away from each other.  No matter how tempting it may be, do not attack your partner’s personality and avoid putting them down; if you do so, ultimately you will drive them away.

DO NOT bring emotionality into the room. It will hurt the relationship rather than help it.  Be straightforward but kind and polite, and let them know you are not there to complain but that you are asking their help to solve the problem and enjoy your time together from then on.

– Dr. Simone